


the timing of the force

by escailyy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Soulmates, Quote: The Force works in mysterious ways, The Force Ships It, Time Loop, Time Travel, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-26 14:49:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13238013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escailyy/pseuds/escailyy
Summary: Rey wanted to be with Ben Solo not Kylo Ren. So the force made it happen.The thing is, Ben Solo was a Padawan in Luke's Jedi academy and Rey didn't expect the force to time travel her to his time period when she made her wish.But the force wants what it wants.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's a Tim travel au! I hope you guys like it

 Rey didn't know how it happened, all she knew was that like most of her recent misfortunes, it was probably Kylo Ren's fault. She'd been reading those Jedi texts she'd taken with only half a mind, her thoughts constantly drifting to the recent battle they'd only just survived and to Kylo when the Force did what it did.

Even in their new base on Tattooine (ironic location, terrifyingly so according to Poe) It hard not to be reminded of Kylo when she had to face Leia every morning, comfort Leia, stay with the general and shoulder some of the heartbreaking burden she had in her force signature, because Rey was probably the only person left who understood how much damage Kylo had done to Leia. She'd also felt Luke die, seen Han's chest be impaled and still a part of her couldn't stop believing in a man called Ben, Rey understood the general in ways many people didn't and perhaps it was old age, but Leia took comfort in Rey the way she couldn't with any resistance fighters under her command.

So Rey was there, every morning with the general, not quite holding her hand but providing Leia with a steady stream of hope and optimism trough the force. 

It had the added bonus of getting Rey rid of Kylo whenever the force bond flared to life again at inconvenient times, because Kylo hated to be reminded that the general was hurting. So he avoided her as much as he could.

And how did Rey hate the force bond, she hated that Snoke's death hadn't broken the connection and that she was tied to that murderous snake probably until either of them died, he'd shattered her feelings in all ways possible and had the audacity to believe himself to be the wounded one. When Rey had all but handed him her heart on a platter.

So in that vein her thoughts circled while she attempted another archaic form of meditation that appeared in the ancient Jedi texts. Connecting with the force yet feeling oddly disconnected from her own force signature, mentally chasing questions without answer as she remembered his outstretched hand.

So many things flowed trough her mind that when the nudge of the living force took on the form of a voice too similar to hers to be recognized as a foreign entity she didn't think much about it.

' _Are you sad because he let you down? Or because you allowed yourself to trust him_?' the voice said in the hum of her meditative thoughts

'I'm sad because I saw something in him, I saw light and he would rather be miserable in the darkness' Rey replied back to the force 

_'And what do you want from him now? After all this has happened?'_

'I don't know' Rey lamented internally 'all I know is that in those moments when we were alone, it was Ben Solo who listened to me, the son of Han and Leia, not the monster in the mask, and I felt free to care about him, because he showed me it was safe' 

' _What a peculiar child you are, perhaps you're not ready to be Kylo Ren's equal after all'_

'I just want to see Ben Solo again' Rey sighed in defeat ' But he's made it clear that he won't turn' 

' _So you wish to be with Ben Solo the Jedi? But not Kylo Ren who is one and the same'_ the force twisted and bent around her as the sands of Tattooine danced with the wind in peaceful ease and before Rey could retort something the force itself settled in her bones with a wave of agreement that snapped her out of her meditative trance ' _Very well, so it shall be'_

The next thing Rey knew she felt a  painful wrenching in her connection to the force, ten times stronger than when the darkness pulled her down to the cave on AchTo, falling for what seemed eons until the force called a halt and deposited in what appeared to be the middle of a very deep pond (or an ocean or a pool.)

It was hard to think straight when a force experience left one with very weak limbs and a poor concentration in the face of death by drowning.

Rey heard a splash and wiry limbs warping around her stomach hauling her upwards and calling out "Uncle I got her!" As she sputtered out water while an external drive used the force to push it out of her lungs. 

Opening her eyes Rey came face to the  familiar dark eyes of a young Jedi Padawan who's face she'd recognized anywhere "Ben?" She whispered still dazed "is it really you?" Before she blacked out.

So yes in hindsight Rey would blame everything that happened on Kylo Ren...if she ever saw him again.

"it's all right Miss, I got you" Ben kept repeating over and over again "Don't close your eyes, help is on the way, I got you"

Because the force had heard her wish and now here she was, with Ben Solo. Only this wasn't the right Ben Solo, her Ben was a grown man wrestling with years of trauma and this, this Ben was a teenager who glowed with light...

But to a young Ben, to Ben who struggled with the dark since childhood, this stranger felt like everything he'd ever asked the force every birth cycle. The force brought him a friend who understood him, he was sure of it.

After waking up for the second time, Rey gave Luke a false name.

"My name is Kira, Kira Niima" she'd coughed out half heartedly in between conciousness and unconciousness.

 that's the only thing she lied about, the rest was all true...from a certain point of view.

She did land in his academy by the will of the force, she did have interest in learning the ways of the Jedi but not in becoming a Jedi herself ( old Luke's words still haunted her 'maybe it's time for the Jedi to end' was not something she could easily forget), she did come from an outer rim planet and she used to be a scavenger. 

See all perfectly fine truths. Lies are not the Jedi way.

Except for the part where she came from twenty something years in the future and believed her mission there was to save Ben from falling.

The first thing Rey noticed about Ben Solo after Luke agreed to let her stay at the academy to "study the Jedi", was unsurprisingly, his darkness. The second thing she noticed was his loneliness.

Both things that had called to her when she first saw Kylo Ren remove his mask in the interrogation room, but unlike everybody else, Rey knew that Ben wasn't dark, not yet, and if she had her way, not ever "So I never really thanked you for saving my life Ben" Rey smiled walking straight up to him once she was discharged from the med bay "the droid said that if you hadn't pulled me out when you did, I'd probably be in a bacta tank by now... I'm Kira" 

"I know" Ben mumbled and abruptly went red at the sight of her sunny smile, he was almost her height, maybe shorter by an inch or two, for Rey it was funny to be eye to eye with him "I mean uncle Luke told me that saving you was the will of the force... that's how you knew my name before I knew yours" Ben knew her name wasn't really Kira, she didn't look like a Kira but she didn't feel like a liar either. Anybody could tell that her presence in the force radiated honesty. And for some reason this beautiful older force sensitive girl seems to like Ben and it made him feel bashful all of the sudden.

"Well seeing as I'm going to be here for some time why don't you give me a tour of the academy, master Luke is busy with the Padawans and you're the only other person I know around here" Rey encouraged him enjoying the way his ears went red when she smiled "this is all very exciting, come on Ben, adventure awaits" 

"We'll if that's what you want" Ben tried and failed to seem cool as he felt the voice in the back of his head go silent when she took his hand and pulled him trough the halls of the academy. She was a stranger but Ben thought that he could follow Kira anywhere if she kept treating him like this...Like he's normal.

From Ben Rey learnt that the academy is (was?) located in a planet called Naboo, she always imagined Luke's academy to have been rustic or Temple like in structure but instead she discovered that it was built in the manner of a school, a very fancy looking school with dormitories and a lot of Jedi friendly facilities that seemed extremely luxurious to her scavenger brain, but a school all the same.

"This place it's beautiful" Rey whispered reverently to Ben, she could imagine being raised here, in the lap of all Jedi teachings, in a world where she was found by Skywalker in Jakku instead of becoming a scavenger.

"I suppose it is if you come from outside" Ben agreed diplomatically looking away, making Rey pick up on the lonely note of his voice "But it's not my home" Ben shrugged

"I think I understand...it feels wrong to be so far away from everyone you love right?" Rey wondered, a few details falling into place, because she was an orphan and Ben was not. To her any type of belonging during childhood would have been better than nothing at all. But Ben had Leia, Han, Chewie and who knows how many other people in the Galaxy he belonged with "I guess if I had what you have, I would miss it too". 

To him the beautiful Jedi academy probably was as bad as being dumped on Jakku, because he had to cut contact with all he loved. 

"Exactly, so many people keep telling me that its attachment, that it will pass, but it's been years" The lanky teenager beside her began to rant before he caught himself and tried to look composed "I mean umm, anger is not Jedi thing...I was, would you like to see your room?" 

Rey chuckled at how adorable he was, ruffling his mane of dark curls "Hey Ben, I don't think missing your family is anything to be ashamed of, say what, next time you feel that way, you can come to find me and we will do something together" 

Ben's teenage boy hormones got the best of him "Like what?" He perked up 

"Sparring, Scavenging, playing with Holo simulations, I'll even let you choose which" 

Soon Rey discovered that becoming Ben Solo's friend was easy. Mainly because he didn't seem to have any, he was well liked yes, but not particularly close to anybody in the academy including Luke, so he was open to Rey's happy interactions and interruptions every day, according to Ben she alleviated the boredom of Jedi training and Luke didn't see any harm in it, so Rey kept dragging his teenage nephew around the academy to spar or to read or to fix droids and Luke was fine with it because the more time Ben spent with Rey, the less sullen his nephew was.

"I'm telling you Ben, if you manage to force lift that rock high enough to hit an X-wing as a baby, then I'm a hairy wookie"

"Ha, I've been lifting rocks since I was five cycles old" Ben boasted puffing up his chest "That story was nothing".

"Heavy rocks?" his new friend challenged while gobbling her lunch in the academy cafeteria 

"Any kind of rock, it doesn't matter, I can do it" he sniffed disdainfully "You're the one who would rather rewire droids than spend time in the library" 

"Those books are not page turners! I don't know how you understand them so easily" Rey groaned, remembering that her cover story involved taking notes on the commings and goings of the Jedi of the temple 

"You hate to study and it won't look well when you publish your findings in the Holo Net" Ben snorted with a playful eye roll "I don't understand why you don't want to join us, you're very strong in the force, with the right teacher you could probably catch up to me" the teenage padawan joked, hitting a bit close to home

"I bet I would" Rey muttered under her breath  

And Rey liked Ben, he was funny and awkward and obscenely knowledgeable in things Rey could only dream of learning, Ben who could have been a scholar or a diplomat, but never a smuggler. He was good at piloting too and he bonded with Rey over dreams of designing his own models of spacecrafts for her to wire up, he had a charm that consisted more of Leia's direct bluntness than Han Solo's swagger, saying backhanded insults turned compliments that inevitably made Rey laugh and a voice that was still miles away from the deep baritone she knew he would acquire in adulthood.

Sometimes she could see shades of Kylo in Ben but the light in him was so warm that Rey could only bask in it's comforting presence.  

"Ben?" Rey exclaimed jolting awake at the sound of dropped holocrons after falling asleep in Luke's library "What are you doing up so late. I thought you said you were too tired to join Master Tii meditation rounds"

"I had a nightmare" Ben shrugged, Rey noticed he did that alot when he expected people to dismiss him and move on "I don't want to go back to my room, I won't fall back asleep anyway"

"Do you have them constantly?" Rey asked instead, thinking about how much she wanted to kill Snoke again for putting Ben through this

Ashamed padawan Ben could only nod "I dream about my parents walking away from me, or coming here to kill me, sometimes it's uncle Luke, holding a lightsaber, or another student" he confessed remembering the many times he'd tried to get his family to take his nightmares seriously "Kira I'm scared" He whispered shoulders hunched and feeling completely taken by surprise when he felt her hug him

"Oh Ben it's okay" Rey comforted him the best way she could and felt him start to cry in her shoulder "it's okay"

"I hate it when I have those dreams, sometimes they feel so real" Ben sobbed letting himself hug Rey back, it had been ages since anyone had tried to give him a hug, let alone sympathize so strongly with a night terror, she seemed to get how hurt he was after each nightmare "I don't want them to be real"

"I used to have nightmares too" Rey soothed him in a quiet voice "I would dream of my family never coming back, sometimes I was so scared of dying I would lay awake for days, because I didn't want to dream" she tried comforting him the best way she knew "But all nightmares end when we wake up, just remember that okay...all nightmares come to an end"

"Even when it seems like I'll never wake up?" Ben hiccupped feeling a bit better

"Even then" And Rey had to believe it, now more than ever.

Sometimes it made her uncomfortable to realize how deep she was falling for a boy five standard years younger than her. In this world the real Rey must be with her parents still, in the wastes of Jakku, she knew instinctively that the academy fell before her parents abandoned her, or Luke would have come to find her once  he felt her cry out to the force every night, so compared to Ben, the real Rey is still very much a youngling. Still here as Kira, she knew that she liked the young Padawan more than she should. Maybe even loved.

And for the young Ben Solo, Kira was everything.

She was beautiful, a scrappy and artless beautiful, like the moon, or the Millennium Falcon, but more than that, Kira understood him. 

It wasn't that Ben didn't have friends, he did, he wasn't a social pariah, or a loner, he was the son of the most powerful woman in the senate and a galactic hero of course people wanted to be around him.

Just not force sensitives.

Especially those in the academy, children brought in as babies who were wary of Ben's little dark shadow. But not Kira, Kira made Ben feel...lighter, she was smart and wilful and explosive, but in a good way. The light was never as glowing in the force as it was with Kira and it called to him just as strongly as the dark tendrills that constantly whispered things to his head. But unlike the dark, Kira's light was welcoming and effervescent.

Always exploring, looking for new things and getting angry at any injustice she saw. It was humbling to be around someone like her. Why sometimes it felt like Kira was younger than him in so many ways, with the way she took childlike joy in everything she saw. She'd even asked Luke for a job at the academy after the first month just because she couldn't stand not being useful.

And so the days passed and teenage Ben grew closer to Rey, after that night where he'd told her about his nightmares, he felt a bride of trust had been created, so he began sharing more of his future plans with her, mostly revolving around being a Jedi like his uncle or a Pilot like his father (a law abiding one, he'd said, no need to break his mother's heart that way). But occasionally Ben Solo would talk about following Leia to the Senate. 

"I want to do good on a galactic scale I suppose, build a better galaxy than the one that was destroyed with the empire, make a better world for my children, the way my mother tries to do" Ben spoke wistfully, this time he was walking Rey trough the markets of the city, on an errand for uncle Luke, apparently Rey was good with haggling prices and Luke always made a point on using her services for the good of the academy "Become Mother's successor, she'd probably like that"

"Okay, I'll bite, where would you start oh great master of diplomacy?" Rey asked, because the influence of the new republic looked so bright from where Rey was standing, here in Naboo, so shiny and hopeful, in the days before the First Order, days lost in the memory of a girl who came from nowhere, it was sad, sometimes, to remember her true reality. The new Republic was long gone before it reached the outer rim worlds like Jakku and Rey had grown up with stories, nothing like the beauty of a core world.

"I would begin as a senator, then work my way up to the place where I could have more influence and begin by ending slavery in all the outer rim, I would propose plans to educate planets with no trading routes and tax weapon manufacturers to finance those things, then I would concentrate on building a strong system in the places where hutts and mercenaries still hold the majority of the power" 

"And you would leave the Jedi for it?" Rey tried to imagine Ben, or Kylo Ren, dressed in Leia's senator garbs and walking around the room with the same commanding air of the general instead of his usual bottled up rage. It made a nice picture so she indulged him with the imagery.

"well not really, I like the force too much, people would always be wary of my powers if I worked for my mother. can you imagine? Prince Benjamin Organa Solo, Senator of New Aldeeran" Ben snorted mockingly picking up a flower crown from a nearby vendor and putting it in her head "You could be my princess, I'd give you anything you wanted and you would help me not die of boredom" 

"Ha ha very funny Ben" Rey rolled her eyes, but internally she could hear echoes of Kylo Ren in Snoke's throne room, offering her the galaxy, a sharp black specter compared to the lanky teenage boy making jokes about working in the Senate "I would be a terrible princess"

"Not to me" Ben reassured her unintentionally echoing his older self "I haven't met anybody in the academy who doesn't love you"

"that's because I'm Luke's errand girl and they don't want to disrespect him" it had been the price to pay for staying in the Jedi academy "I barely know how to eat without slurping when your Padawan classmates are around, dining with the royal families of the galactic council would be a disaster"

"So if I asked you to be my princess consort you would turn me down?" Ben laughed dodging a playful punch from Rey "Well then my heart is absolutely broken, life has lost all meaning, I shall now dedicate the rest of my life to being a celibate Jedi with no attachments" he pretended to take a blaster shot trough the heart theatrically limping to Rey's side with his hand clutched to his chest

"Yes, I can see how my rejection is making you reconsider all your life choices" Rey rolled her eyes "Are you a Padawan or a Drama Queen?"

"I've decided I want to be both"  Ben laughed taking off running with their bags of supplies "Race you to the academy"

"Ben Solo, that's Kriffin cheating" Rey shouted after him trying to ignore the pang in her heart

He was a good boy, conflicted and scared, but Rey could see how hard he tried to be the best he could be, he saw in her a true friend and as a result he would comm her anytime he felt like talking about things he didn't want to confide in to his uncle or parents and even in the middle of the night he knew that she wouldn't let him struggle alone. Rey who had seen Kylo Ren at his worst and tried just as hard to encourage Ben to hold on to the light, became his best friend in the process.

Ben never told her that she was always inadvertently calling him trough the force, he understood that Kira probably wasn't aware of how her light would reach out to his like a baby porg looking for it's mother on random moments so he didn't mention it, plus it didn't seem like she was doing it on purpose, more like it was something Kira was used to doing, most of the time when Kira reached out it felt like she was looking for a door that wasn't there, even when Ben let her feel that he was an open book around her, Kira always seemed to be subconsciously trying to reach someone else. 

He knew things about her that she'd never told anyone, like how hard scavenging had been in her early days, of the friends she missed from her home base in another backwater planet (Finn, Rose, the 'orange droid' and an unamended pilot she simply called 'Daredevil'). She always kept the specifics vague and Ben never pushed her for them because he thought she was intentionally trying to start a new life closer to force sensitive people like her. He tried to respect that.

Sometimes when he was particularly in high spirits Kira would tell him about the man she was in love with (Kira never actually said she loved him, but she could talk about him for hours so again, Ben assumed he was important to her). She called the man merely 'he' as in 'He made me believe in our future' or 'He and I were too different to stay together' but she talked about that man for long enough to leave an impression on Ben. From her stories, Ben gathered that the mysterious 'He' had been some sort of Rival in Kira's life and had broken her heart before she took it in her head to find the Jedi academy. And it made Ben feel proud when he heard her reassure herself that Ben would never be like this awful monster that hurt Kira so much.

He would freely admit to himself that he had a crush on her but even Uncle Luke seemed to think his infatuation with Kira was normal for a boy his age, friendships were not explicitly banned in Jedi culture, just attachments, so Ben consoled himself thinking that maybe his crush on Kira was a byproduct of being such good friends with the older girl and not necessarily an attachment.

Because then he would really be in trouble.

"Kira, why aren't you scared of me?" Ben got up the courage to ask about a few months into their friendship (To be fair, Rey had in fact kept up with her cover and begun publishing harmless holo net articles detailing the life of an average Jedi student just to avoid looking suspicious), Ben dragged her to the conservatory to watch the Colored Hot Air Baloons that the Naboo people always traveled on during the planetary summer and decided finally to face the big bantha in the room "Aren't you afraid that I'll turn dark?"

Ben watched the older girl still, as tough he'd drenched her with cold water and saw her fist clench "Who told you that you would go dark Ben?" Rey asked feeling the dread seep into her

Ben wanted to tell her about the voice in his head, about discovering his mother's connection to Darth Vader but instead he opted for the usual story "Everyone that can sense the force feels the darkness when they get close to me, that's why they all stay away" Ben shrugged trying to look nonchant but Rey could feel how much it hurt him "it's been like that since I can remember, I scare people, even my mom...but not you"

How could Rey tell him that she'd met Snoke once? that she of all people knew the difference between the force signature of the sith that preyed on his mind, and Ben himself "oh Ben, I know you better than that" Rey whispered with a sad smile and Ben had the impression that he'd said something depressing "The darkness in you isn't who you are, why would I be scared of something that cannot hurt me?"   

"I could be dangerous one day, everybody thinks so" or at least that's what the dark voice said constantly in his head

Rey almost wanted to reply with 'I've seen you do worse' but in her heart she knew she didn't want to lay that particular truth in Ben Solo's feet "I don't think that way, I like you just how you are right now, trust me Ben, there's more light than darkness inside of you" 

"Is that why you spend time with me?" Ben raised his hopeful eyes to Rey's, with the same look Rey of awe Rey had seen once in a snowy Forrest "I wish that everyone else could understand me the way you do" 

"You're still so young" Rey realized, looking at him and taking in how far from his older self this sensitive padawan was, with his honest face and deep understanding of how others saw him "And yet, you have so much potential" abruptly Ben felt Kira's force signature spike into something dark and ugly "If you ever turn to the dark side, then I will fight you and bring you back, with everything that I have, I promise" 

"Kira" And Ben realized a bit why people were frightened when they saw shades of darkness in him, because seeing it on Kira he was almost fearful for his own life, in a flash he saw someone willing to murder a sith to keep him from falling, it should have made him feel scared, but the sight of it only made her look more beautiful "I'm glad you are my friend"

"I'm glad about that too Ben" 

Of course Rey had noticed how many people kept their distance from Ben, she just hoped that he didn't, being feared hadn't ever been a problem for her in Jakku, because as a scavenger, the more people feared you, the less likely they were to attack you and take your portions. So she really didn't have any starting point to relate with Ben in that sense. In the core worlds like these, where people didn't have to watch their backs to survive and make friendships that lasted for life, keeping people at arms lenght didn't seem like a good thing.

Not for Ben at least, he had too much to give. Her only fear was not being strong enough to stop Snoke from taking over his light.

Had people feared her when she was young? Rey wondered thinking back to her solitary nights in Jakku, learning to dig up junk from watching older scavengers, she probably couldn't tell even with the benefit of hindsight, as a child in the desert, little Rey considered being feared a good thing.

Up until meeting Finn, she'd gotten by with her staff and tinkering skills, kindness was rare in Jakku, but not non-existent, even of Rey wasn't normally in the receiving end, she never stopped believing in the kindness of good people in the universe. But she'd never stopped to wonder how many people feared her because of her fighting skills and how many did because they could sense the force in her, she'd been so focused in her survival and waiting for her parents, that trusting others had been a pipe dream.

The days passed and even with Rey working her force powers to the bone to keep Ben from dwelling too much on his bad dreams and ugly imaginings it wasn't enough. Without their force bond Rey couldn't get into Ben's head the way Snoke could and it didn't help that the force itself prevented her from confessing the whole thing to Luke.

Rey really thought she could save Kylo from falling. Mistakenly as Maz let her know one bright afternoon after spending almost a year around the Jedi academy.

"You know you don't belong here, I've seen those eyes before and it's no wonder the force wanted me to give you a fair warning" Maz said calmly after taking Rey aside, walking the young woman around her standard ship "Not from this time are you child?"

"How did you know?" Rey gasped feeling very grateful to have someone to tell the whole story

"It's a long story for another time, let's just say I've been alive long enough to see the force do some truly strange things" Maz snorted, big pruny eyes not missing anything in Rey's change of expression "But don't worry, the good news is that this little time continuum disruption is almost over"

And Rey immediately dropped the mechanic tools she'd been holding to repair the tiny alien's ship "What do you mean?" But she knew what Maz was talking about, at least subconsciously, Rey knew it was coming: her time was up.

"As far as you are concerned history has been written already child, whatever you hoped to change here, wont erase a pixel in anybody's Holocron, it's something you should know, take it from me" Maz explained with a shrug picking up Rey's discarded tools and handing them back to her

"Then why the Kriff did the force send me here if I can't change anything..." Rey protested angrily, ( If Ben will still chose the dark, if the Galaxy is still heading towards ruin), the tears rose invited to her eyes "it's not fair"

Maz gave her a sympathetic smile "The past is there for us to learn, perhaps this is what the force wanted you to do and now that you did, it's calling you back home"

"Perhaps" Rey didn't argue with Maz, it was true, she'd learned a lot "But why now?"

"Why does the force do anything if not to bring itself a measure of balance?" Maz sighed and and Rey glimpsed a weariness in her that was odd in such a formidable being "you should say your goodbyes...it won't be long now"

"Maz could you do me a favor?" An Rey could feel it too, deep in her bones, the force pulling at her heartstrings "The first time we met, there was a lightsaber in your possession... Can you make sure that the second time there is a Kyber crystal?"

"Ha!" Maz laughed "I'll see what I can do" shouted back at her as she ran out to look for Ben, privately wishing the girl the best of the force.

For Rey saying goodbye to Ben was tragic, especially because she had to tell him a part of the truth, that she was going somewhere too far away for him to reach her with the force and Ben took it to mean that Rey was dying.

It was less cruel to let him think it was that way, making herself to be a force sensitive woman who wanted to spend her last moments among the Jedi before dying was easier than letting him feel she was intentionally abandoning him.

Ben cared for her, but as she heard him sob in reckless anger how much he was going to miss her, Rey understood that she wouldn't have been enough to stop years of having Snoke in his head. In hindsight neither was Ben at this age.

Expecting a child to mentally shield himself from a Sith was as ridiculous as hoping that when said child was strong enough he could fight the years of ingrained darkness better.

If she'd thought that being in Snoke's presence and hearing him belittle her was bad, how much worse was it for Ben who had to live with the kriffin creature in his head.

"Promise me that you won't stop looking for light in the darkness if it's the last thing you do" Kira whispered in Ben's ear giving him one last hug "do this and I'll be happy"

Ben thought that it was an oddly worded request but he was too emotional to do anything but nod into her shoulder "I will, I promise"

And Rey felt the tug of the force become more insistent, saying one last goodbye she turned around and headed for Maz's ship, waving to Ben from the cockpit, smiling to the little alien woman Rey gave her a nod and stopped fighting the force.

She disappeared into thin air before the ship had a chance to hit the planet's troposphere and when she woke up she was back in the Rebel base of Tatooine.

"Rey! Rey Dear force Is that you?" The general gasped when Rey once again was all but dropped from the sky ( roof of the base?) at her feet, apparently Rey didn't look very good because the next thing she knew General Organa was calling for all the med personnel of the base "don't say anything child, we're going to....ugh why are they taking so long can't you see the girl is half dead?"

Rey did feel half dead so she made no protest when a shocked Poe and Finn rushed into the General's chambers to lift her into a gurney. Who knew time traveling left one feeling like a smashed X-Wing on the return trip huh?

Rey just wanted to sleep and cry, sadly that wasn't meant to be because the force bond she had with Kylo Ren also returned in full working order once she was back in her appropriate time period. He looked as tall as she remembered, frightened and relived all at once, as tough he didn't believe she was back.

Maybe he didn't. It occurred to Rey that maybe he too had been cut off from her force presence while she was in the past. It was a strange thought to have when one was being diagnosed by a thousand different machines.

Kylo looked anguished at seeing her, not as angry as she expected but still she welcomed the feeling of his darkness trough their force bond "I've missed you so" Rey said smiling softly making eye contact with Kylo Ren before closing her eyes and letting exhaustion have her.

Not seeing Kylo Ren's desperate run to her side. Or the heartbreaking howl of pain that escaped his lips on hearing her words.

 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo puts the pieces together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments it was really encouraging, I'm going through some difficult stuff right now and never feel good enough. But you guys helped me

From Leia, Rey learns she's been gone for roughly four standard weeks. Most of which has seen the worst onslaught of First Order attacks since Starkiller fell. The rest of her answers she gets from comm with Maz in the intermittent moments she can get away from her bond with Kylo Ren's silent treatment .

"So it was real?" Rey asks "Me, Ben, Luke? Leia said you told her I was on an errand for the force"

"As real as everything, that's happened until now, speaking of which" Maz lifts a transparent pouch with two familiar looking gems up to her eyes "you asked me for a favor and I didn't remiss"

"Are those what I think they are?" Rey gasped in delight momentarily distracted

"I had many years to get these for you, imagine my surprise when a younger you landed the Falcon in my doorstep being pursued by a boy I thought you loved"

"He's not a boy" Rey corrected automatically "Maz do you think he remembers me?"

"I assumed that like most young people he put you down in his memory as just another friend he'd never see again and that the dark side did a good job burying his memory of the days in the Jedi academy" Maz didn't sound that sure "In those days you wore the clothes of the Naboo not of Jakku.... besides what man likes to have an enemy wear the face of his first love?"

"It explains so many things, about Luke at the very least" Rey snorted thinking back to the old hermit, to have Kira show up looking even younger than he remembered asking him to teach her how to be a Jedi when she'd once declined politely probably had done a number on Luke. Rey didn't blame him for being so reluctant to teach her. He knew she would see the light in Kylo even before Rey did "And you"

"So when should I be expecting the wookie?" Maz deadpanned cleaning her lenses and putting them back on "Smuggling Kyber is just the thing he needs to stop fussing about you"

"I'll send him for it as soon as you give your coordinates" So it was back to business then? Rey expected no less from Maz "and for all that it's worth, thank you"

Maz waved her off "Have some rest and talk to the Darksider, then we'll call it even"

Rey smiles briefly and shuts down the comm, if only it were that easy. It's been days since the bond opened, like a healed wound ripped back open without anesthetic, Rey can feel his feelings bleeding trough with the intensity of freshly drawn blood. They fluctuate strangely, and even when the bond does allow them to see each other...he doesn't say anything.

Rey doesn't mind, she missed Kylo Ren's moods, she missed the highs of his anger, sadness, grief, guilt, relief, confusion, the turmoil smattered with pinpricks of light that is almost comforting in their familiarity. She sinks into it with some sort of perverse happiness at finding herself tied to the monster again. Maybe because she understands that Kylo is just a grown-up version of the worst parts of Ben, so she doesn't close herself out from his reach, too tired to keep fighting him when it's clear he won't harm her.

Still by the third day of bedrest and backta patches, Rey is already sick of being ignored.

"The facial hair suits you" Rey comments airily the next time they connect, she feels his irritation pass trough the bond "No, it really does, makes you look less like an apprentice and more like a master"

Silence. But at least he was frowning this time, not entirely impassive.

"You were gone" He says turning away from her and his voice sounds like betrayal "you disappeared into thin force like you had never existed, one moment I was tied to you for eternity and the next I couldn't reach you, feel you, hear you" she can only see the back of his head but she can feel the confusion and hurt pulsing trough him "And I couldn't believe I drove you to that extreme"

"You thought the worse" that she was dead, possibly that she'd given herself up to the force on purpose, just like Luke "you thought I would rather kill myself than stay bonded to you"

"I wasn't wrong" Kylo glares at her.

Rey almost wants to deny it, but she knows the truth, the possibility used to dance in the back of her mind "I'm sorry, I didn't know... when all of this happened, I was just..." Rey thinks back to that day "Unprepared, foolish"

Kylo looks like he wants to argue she feels it trough the bond and startled by the reassurance he receives back "It was terribly inconvenient, don't do it again"

Rey smiles, at his volatile moods, at his darkness that feels so old "I want to tell you so much" She chokes out "I had a journey of enlightenment with the force, you could call it a life altering field trip"

"was it another one of those Jedi visions where I turn to the light? Or did the force show you that you belong here at my side? Because if it was more of the first I do not want to hear it" Kylo snaps, because there is a sadness in her now, something he can't attribute to the loss of Luke, it scares him, how much melancholy holds her next sentence

"Actually it did, funny that...turns out I've always belonged at your side" she doesn't laugh this time "I just needed to learn what that meant...Kylo do you remember, in Luke's academy... A girl named Kira?"

And Rey sees Kylo's eyes widen before the bond snaps, taking his response with it before Rey can hear it.

And Kylo does remember, he'd be lying if he said he didn't, what boy ever forgets his first love? Although it's hazy with time, he remembers a smiling girl with a broken heart who didn't pull her punches with him during a sparring session. He remembers being constantly in awe at her approach to life, as a teenager he'd even fantasized with running away with her to explore the universe.

He hasn't thought about Kira or the Jedi academy days in ages. Preferring to block out the memories and pretend they never happened except to remind himself why he chose the dark side.

But he's not a fool, he can connect the dots between Rey's painful disappearance into the force. And that her first question was about Kira, even if the resemblance wasn't there. He's been bonded to Rey for long enough to accept that the force doesn't allow coincidence to happen.

The next time the force connects them Rey is working in the Falcon and he is in a crowded hallway "When I was small, in Jakku after my parents left me, I used to get this feeling that someone out there was looking for me, in my heart, I knew I was waiting for them, to be found, because they wanted me, so I stayed put... Only, it wasn't my parents that were looking, or I the person you were hoping to find"

"Kira used to probe at the force for my signature all the time when I met her, she didn't seem to be doing it on purpose, but the way she did it, it was like she was reaching out to make sure I was still there, when she left, I began doing the same out of habit" Kylo says in a low voice once he was back in his chambers, looking at her and wondering how their lives had become so tangled since long before they truly met "But you weren't making sure of anything, you were reaching out to our bond"

"the bond that didn't exist, the one that felt like a phantom limb? Probably" Rey agrees feeling his surprise that she answered sincerely "so you became familiar with my force signature and even as a child, I felt you calling"

"I always thought I was imagining someone answering back"

"It makes me wonder if you were really looking for the plans to Luke the first time we met" Rey snorts and feels something like shamed realization pulse out of him "You weren't were you? You were looking for Kira, her memories of you to be specific, that's why it was so easy for me to latch on to your fears the same way you did to mine, because Ben Solo wanted to bring out his Kira to protect him"

"Instead you sneered at me and called me a monster"

"Do you blame me?"

"No, but you have to admit it served to separate the memory of Kira the Jedi Historian from Rey the resistance scavenger, at least in my mind" Kylo let out a pitiful snort "You were too young to be her anyway"

Rey doesn't reply, she doesn't really know what to say to that, because it's true, she wouldn't have believed Kylo even if he had been sure of her connection to Kira.

And the bond mercifully, breaks.

She later thinks about the ramifications of the things she told Ben Solo, to Kylo she might have been gone for a month but to Rey, it had been a year. Most of it had been spent with Ben, trying to cheer him up or simply enjoying his company. She'd said a lot of things, so many things about her that she thought Ben would never share because she'd been vague about the details.

She'd been confident that Ben would be a Jedi, not factoring the fact that the present was already set in stone. Now all those conversations were in the possession of Kylo Ren.

It comes back to bite her in the butt a day later, she's about to fall asleep exhausted after a day of physical therapy for her still recovering body when she feels him. He's sitting in a less ostentatious version of Snoke's throne and like her, she knows he's alone.

"I thought Kira was in love with a bastard of the highest rate, a man who broke her heart and kept hurting her, I wanted to be her hero, slay her lothdragons, because Kira was always so sad when she talked about him" Kylo leveled Rey a pained look "When you talked about me"

"Kylo, don't.... " Rey yawns, unprepared for his movement of frankness, suddenly too exhausted for words "this isn't the time, please, I'm tired"

"You said 'he offered me the Galaxy and all I wanted was his heart, how sad is that Ben?' and I thought I was so great because I never made you cry" Kylo's laugh is cruel and self depreciating "what a joke"

"Not a very funny one" Rey isn't even pretending to be calm, her blank look lets Kylo know how not funny she finds the situation "You have no idea what that felt like for me Kylo! Absolutely none"

"Then tell me, scream, shout, call me a monster, anything is better than this"

"Than what?"

"Than spending my cycles not knowing if you kriffin meant it...tell me!"

"So you want to know, that's it?" Rey cries feeling her own anger seep slowly into her exhausted body "you want to know what I was like to meet Ben Solo?, To be near a boy so bright and beautiful and tormented that all I wanted was to take a ship to whenever Snoke was hiding and slice him in two for a second time?"

"I don't need your pity"

"And you don't have it, he was fun and smart and kind Kylo, it was my torture, because a part of me was falling inlove with a boy! Do you know what it was like? Every morning waking up and wondering why I couldn't live in a world where he had a future? Hating myself because a part of me still wanted him to turn into YOU"

"Silence! You don't know anything, the Ben Solo that you met was weak..."

"He was a boy!" Rey protests at how unfair he's being to Ben, to himself "a isolated lonely boy that needed protecting from someone in his head and without our bond I had to live with the knowledge that I couldn't help him" Rey shouts angrier than she's ever been "Ben was young and scared and he couldn't tell anyone about Snoke because people thought that the darkness in him was of his own creation" Rey spat "I understood"

"Did you? Did you fool yourself into thinking you could save him then? Is that what your little mission was about Scavenger?" Kylo shouts back, the bond looping an endless feedback of anger and self hatred that neither knows who started "Did you cry when you realized you couldn't?"

"I cried when I realized that YOU could, that you DID" this time she's the one who laughs humorlessly "I used to dream of the day you would finally kill that predator, I wanted Snoke to suffer, I wanted him to die knowing that you were no longer his to hurt, even if you had to become a monster in the process" and Kylo feels it again the darkness swirling around Rey, just as he did once, when Kira told him she'd hurt whoever tried to take him. This time though, he's appropriately cowed by the foreign taint of dark in her blinding light

"Not very Jedi of you" Kylo calms down enough to look around and see that the force had begun to trash his furniture around "Poor Rey, who knew what a murderous Snake Ben Solo would grow up to be"

"On the contrary, it was comforting, everytime Ben cried, everytime he said that he had nightmares, that his family couldn't be close to him because I knew they sensed Snoke's darkness prowling" Rey digs in deep, her smile turns vicious "I consoled myself, with the knowledge that Snoke died by your hand, that one day you would avenge everything he took from you, every single scar, every single tear and I would be there to see you slice him in two" the force pulses and takes a plunge back into the light with her last statement "And then I hated myself for missing you" Rey finally adds, lying back down on her bed and turning her back to him

Sensing she's done talking Kylo feels cold again "Rey..."

"You said you wanted to know" She cuts him off with a muffled whisper "Now you do"

They wait until the force deigns to break the connection again.

This time it doesn't.

And Rey sleeps trough an exhausted night sensing his eyes on her even while deeply unconscious.

Kylo Ren pretends to be unbothered by her words (he isn't). The Supreme Leader of the first order tries in vain to find a way to talk to her again without insulting her further but in the end the force decides that a whole night of silence is enough.

And Kylo watches Rey wake up smiling sleepily at him, like she did the first time he'd met her as Kira.

He thinks the force is too cruel when it breaks their connection before he can ask her to meet him in person.

He gets his chance the next time they connect, there's a traspasteel box with two virgin Kyber crystals in her lap and Rey seems to be as lost as he felt the first time Luke taught him to build a lightsaber.

"You still need a teacher"

It's the first time he hears her laugh genuinely "What is it with you and teaching me?" She says shaking her head "even when you were younger you always wanted to show off"

She sees his mouth twitch and she thinks it's the closest thing to a smile she's ever seen in Kylo Ren "Maybe I've always wanted to see what you can do with more than three days of training" his words are not malicious so Rey chooses to see the humor in them

"Sore loser Supreme Leader?"

"I prefer Benevolent Victor" he shrugs and there it is again, the lip twitch that reminds Rey how much Ben Solo used to love to laugh. (Mostly at her, he always thought her the height of all things funny)

"Should I notify the survivors of the Hosnian System?"

"No, merely the rest of the rest of the resistance"

Again Rey laughed "And you wonder why I don't want you to teach me the wonders of the force?"

And Kylo sees the flash in her mind, a younger him laughing at her side. Ben Solo sharing dreams that would never be  
' _you could be my princess'_  
 _'I would be a terrible princess'_

Rey felt the humor drain from him and once again he was back to being his usual conflicted self "Rey, what would it take for you to let me teach you this one thing?" He says taking a deep breath and pointing to the Kyber crystals in her hand

Rey doesn't even hesitate when she answers "The promise of being able to come back to Leia, reassurance that my lapse of judgement won't cost anyone millions of lives"

Kylo likewise doesn't even bother to barter her terms "You have my word" he says easily "I'll arrange for a ceasefire for as long as it takes you to build a working lightsaber and when it's done, if you want to walk away, you can"

"Then I'll meet you in Corellia as soon as the medbay droids say I'm fit to pilot a ship" Rey agrees, this feels like it's something they should have done a long time ago

"Why Corellia?"

"Because the drinking capital of the Galaxy was the only place I could think of where people would be the least likely to inform on the leader of the first order and the emblem of the resistance having a secret rendezvous"

Kylo privately agrees with her quick thinking, the Corellian system was usually so overcrowded with jolly winemakers and merry deviants that to tattle on someone there was stupid at best. Because information that comes from a Corellian is usually as doubtful as the word of a drunk twilek.

One of the reasons why trade in Corellia is always at all time high no matter the government. Everyone always is willing to keep their good relations with the best exporter of space alcohol .

"I'll be there" is all Kylo says. And he knows this time will be different. Whatever happens now there will be no turning back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep commenting you have no idea how much your support means to me. I've been battling a crypling anxiety and I feel happy when you guys tell me what you think about my work

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and ask questions, it took me two weeks of self doubt to actually post this chapter


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